Thursday, September 11, 2008
Too many things on my mind today.
It was actually not a surprise for ger say that i looked very pale.
Where should i start...*sighs*
Well although prelims had ended, the worse is yet to come, and the best for me to perform is also yet to come. I trying to do all i can right now.(duh not literally) I may seem a bit anxious as the days gets nearer a bit. That is one thing i am worried about.
Second, my family recen-..for a very long time had a problem , it had not been solved till now. Furthermore the problem was recently revisited and all the quarrelling had heighten up to a level that i may have to fear the worse. If my adobe is not peaceful, then where and how am i supposed to do if i would need to support during these trying times?
Thirdly, when i was waiting for the people i need to meet, (reached there around 2.35 , thought they may come early, in the end exactly 3 -.-) i wandered around the mall. I wandered.
I wandered I felt terribly useless, annoyed, irritated, or in econs , incurred a large opportunity cost as well. People are struggling to get business from us consumers, others just simply wait since they know customers will come to them. All these for money. The only medium of exchange that every human in this age desires. What i am studying for right now, it is for money. To get money. I felt disgusted wasting time just like that, still i do it unconsciously.
That thought above however was just one small fraction i was thinking, it still does not affect me too directly yet. (although the indirectness of it had impacted my life and may turn 180 degrees)
The other thoughts , i have to admit they are social stuff. It can simply be phrased out through this part of lyrics.
Though i empty my heart, my body remembers you
The memory, the more i erase it,The more vivid it gets
The memory. The more i hate it, it comes closer like a...
Is it breathing inside me?
In the dark, when will it close its eyes?
But even if i walk forward, you.
Even if i turn around, you.
Even when i'm held in her arms,
My Body, you.
It only feels you.
The memory of you,
Even within the presence of someone near me
when they are just passing by
i'm still crazy from you because
My body remembers you
i still remembers youOn the topic of friends, I am bad at it. Yes i am anti social to a certain extend. I never believed in best friends. I never believed in friends that will be at side when you need help the most. Everyone is holding up a persona. Even a ongoing relationship is all a façade. It is just the need of humans to have a companion. We in the end are just blind followers of instincts. It is in us all of it. Lust, attraction and commitment, trust, faith. They are all indicators of us humans interact with each other.
But what the heck, do people care about all i say? a no for myself as well. In order to survive, we just have to continue living in such a pretentiousness world.
Anyways after all that crappy ranting, i am still thankful for being called out to go the gathering. Those nonsense those people quacked and what i thought in the end sums up to a zero in my emotions gauge at the end of the day.(nature is a zero sum game =/) Staying at home will be hell as well, so i rather get out and enjoy a bit of earth to gear up for more hell.
Brooding on Hoshimura Mai - Hikari.mp3, Younha - Gieok.mp3, Lia - Sandstorm.mp3
-------------------------------------------------------------
It was 7:47:00 pm when sealed by サーン
