Sunday, May 27, 2007
I just realised it when i was looking through several blogs of my friends. All of them mentioned about friends in their new life. They kept saying how fun, cool, stupid, awesome , dumb, interesting their friends are.
Then i reflected awhile...and a while more. I just do not have any good expression of the friends i made. Although it seems as i spent more time being with them than any other people currently, i cant seem understand them at all. It just seems we are just surface friends.
Not to mention our subject combinations made our class very segregated. The only time we are together is maths and PW. Even during those lessons, we still stay in our combination group although we still mix around. So there is little or no interaction among the whole class. How about the people in the combination that you are in? i thought about it. Well, there is about 9 people in my combination excluding me. I hanged out only 3-4, yet close or not , the closest i have been is just one good Malay guy, next an Indian and an Eurasian.
Weird you might say, but these are the few i hanged out with. However no matter how close i am with them, i just feel that is still a self made barrier to prevent fear and harm towards me. I know how to overcome them, i had done it before but paid a heavy price although i did experience momentarily pleasure from overcoming it. ((no perverted thoughts please -.-))
I recently remember what my Moral ED tutor questioned us on. Who you think you are?
immediately i have several answers pop up. A Defensive Pessimist, Average kid in the block, Not good in studies neither in sports. I bad at most everything. Want things done fast. Lazy.
Then when i looked back at those answers. Although it reflected about me, they are mostly negative answers. I asked myself how to improve myself, am i being humble or is it really true i cant change them. Can i live without having those stuff?
Being a Defensive pessimist, some people will asked why be a pessimist, then i ask why do you have to look at the bright side when you know there are two sides to a problem? Perhaps i am fated to be a pessimist and it comforts me and guards me. Asking me to think of the bright side? Its impossible.
Average kid, i cant change that much too, and even if i do, it takes lots of time and effort so i just wont do it. Perhaps, perhaps i will change.
Lazy, it is a trait, a habit. I believe it is because of my horoscope, the taurus. Nah, I MUST definitely CHANGE it. I swear to this post that i must get a A,C,C in my grades for common test. It may not be much, but it is a challenge for me.
Not good in sports, that i cant change much but i sitll have to be physically fit to do my chin ups. zzzz training everyday ..someone please tell me how to train forearm and triceps without machines helping me.
want things fast, well i do not know about that. Could be the disease of the modern world =)
This is a reflection of me, i am not being emo or what so ever. Sometimes i think such reflections straighten your goals and desires of your life. I MUST CHANGE my blogskin for good luck reasons lol.
Signing out.
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It was 8:28:00 pm when sealed by サーン
